Yes, my life *IS* a song to God.

I accepted Christ into my life when I was seventeen years old. That decision has, by and large, informed every other decision I've made since, good or bad. I've either done my best to glorify Him, or I've had to fall on my knees and ask forgiveness for failing Him once again. I know that sounds harsh, but I have always been a woman of extremes.

A revelation hit me last night after I sang at Ringel Heights' 4th Sunday night Sing. I sang "God of Wonders" and "How Deep The Father's Love For Us", and I could feel God right there in that little church, right on that stage with me, standing beside me. It was an amazing feeling. Afterwards, when we all bowed our heads to pray, my heart still racing, I heard God speaking to me, telling me that He called me to sing. To sing for Him, to glorify Him with my voice. Then, as an added bonus, two years ago, He called me to lead children's choirs, to teach them how to worship and glorify Him through song.

Since accepting Christ, I've been asking Him to reveal His will for my life; my purpose in His kingdom, so to speak. For fifteen years, I thought He was remaining silent, but in reality, I was too busy begging for a neon sign when I should have been quiet, and listening for a whisper. He answered my prayer that year. He answered that prayer the first time I stepped on that stage and felt totally at peace for the first time in my life when I opened my mouth to sing, when I could hear what I thought was my voice but couldn't feel my lips moving.

God called me to sing!

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Did you know this verse came to me in a dream? I was a new Christian, 17 or 18, and I remember rolling and tossing all night, hearing this verse in my head. I didn't really know what it meant at the time, but as I became older, it became my mantra of sorts. Life wasn't always easy, and whenever things would happen that I didn't understand, I would repeat this verse to myself. I had to have faith that there was a reason behind it, that God had a higher purpose. It's actually highlighted in every Bible I own. It's the first verse I look for when I purchase a new Bible.

Now that I'm writing this, I'm really hoping that my sleepless night so many years ago wasn't due to my prankster sister whispering that verse in my ear for kicks and giggles.

So why am I telling y'all this? Because that verse came roaring back to me as I began the very first meeting of Children's Choir at Ringel Heights. As I was teaching, I could literally feel everything that had happened in our (meaning Richie and me) life come to a head last night, like my whole last year and a half were leading up to this moment. It's quite a feeling, let me tell you.

My only regret? No pictures. Ah, well, maybe next time, right? Right!

I brought the refreshments, but parents and youth showed up to set up tables, serve, and help me with name tags--without being asked. We also implemented a boys-vs.-girls competition to see which table could be the quickest and cleanest during snack time. Whichever team wins at the end of the month will get a prize. I haven't decided on a prize yet.

Once we moved into the classroom, we went over procedures for starting class. We learned the come to attention song, and we also learned our choir Bible verse, and prayed. After praying, we learned the proper way to stand and sit while singing. We also sang "Father Abraham" and I got quite dizzy.

The kids were very receptive to the first two songs I introduced for their concert in May. I introduced "Joy" as the opening song, and "Forever" by Chris Tomlin as the finale. They really seemed to enjoy singing, and several kids (boys included!!) volunteered for solos! We finished up by singing "The Fast Food Song", and then we dismissed to go on to RAs and GAs.

Needless to say, when I got to the sanctuary for service, I was already about to burst. I absolutely could not wait to tell everyone what a wonderful time we had, and what a great group of kids they had in their fellowship.

Can't wait for next week!

Toodles!

Singing For Joy

For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands. Psalm 92:4

Way back in the early part of this decade, I sang in a praise team, and "Sing For Joy" became one of our favorite songs to sing; it also became our motto of sorts. It just seemed like a natural thing, to be singing and smiling and giving praise to God. Even though the praise team had since dissolved, "Sing For Joy" still remains one of my favorite songs. Maybe one day I'll get to record it along with "I Love You, Lord".

I don't think it's any secret that I love to sing. I've loved singing all my life. I used to sing in private, at home, and then in school choruses. Finally, when I was seventeen, my cousin Kathy had to almost literally push me out onto stage at Bloomingvale PH. I've thanked God every day that she did, because I felt the power of God that day. It was then that He called me to music ministry.

It's not any big secret that I love children's choir, either. I've been working in children's ministry just as long as I've been singing, starting off as a helper in the nursery and children's church at Bloomingvale. I was even the Sunday School teacher for the elementary school class when I was nineteen. After Richie and I were married, I continued to sing at Screven, but Jan Fort (the minister of music at the time) recruited me to teach the fifth and sixth-grade Kids For The King class on Wednesday nights. This, I know, is when God called me to Children's Ministry.

I was crazy about those kids. I made a great friend out of it, too, when I met Susan, who became my hair stylist. (She and I have a similar philosophy--it's just hair; it'll grow back.) Trey was in this class, and we discovered they were all kinds of hilarious, especially when they read the skits that went along with the week's lesson. Soon, Jan had them performing in Sunday morning worship!

Jan also directed the children's choir, and I got to witness first-hand how to be a song-leader. I learned so much from Jan, like patience and using humor. After Jan had moved on, Lil Martin came on as the minister of music at Screven, and I assisted her in the children's choir. Lil loved big, lively music that got the kids moving. One thing both women instilled in me is that being in the children's choir isn't just a thing to do. Its a way of leading worship. I had never thought of children being worship leaders, but that's exactly what they're doing when they're up on that stage, whether they realize it or not.

I was surprised as anyone when God moved us over to Ringel Heights, but He proved once again that He has great plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He will work everything out for the good (Romans 8:28). Turns out they don't have a children's choir, but they've been praying about starting one. I won't even have to give up singing because they have a singing service every 4th Sunday. That's God right there, folks.

Praise him!

Toodles!

I sang last night.

I haven't sung a solo since July.

Being up on that stage, I felt like I was flying. Like God was literally lifting me up as I sang.

When I opened my mouth to sing, I didn't recognize my own voice. I could feel my heart and soul swelling to three times it's normal size.

I'm too speechless to say anything else.

Toodles!

Nerves

Leslie and I were talking yesterday, and we both admitted that we were very nervous about the musical next week. Like, nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. And it's not like the kids haven't been working--we had all the kids sing and recite their lines from the first half of the play last Wednesday, and that went great.

Of course, I have theories.

1. "Rock Solid", the spring musical, is a much bigger production than the Christmas musical "Mystery of the Manger". At Christmas, the kids never left the stage, or their places for that matter. Rock Solid uses lots of movement, and there are seven dramatic scenes that have the characters moving on and off the stage. A moving kid is an unpredictable kid!

2. In the spring, time moves more quickly. We had four months to practice for Christmas, as well as four months to practice for Spring. It just FEELS shorter!

3. The kids have spring fever! Plus, they are stretched thinner this time of year, with field trips, tests, and extracurricular activities. It's more difficult to get them to focus.

Of course, it doesn't help that people have been telling me their own personal children's musical horror stories. It's like being pregnant--everyone wants to tell you what went wrong. Well, no offense, but I don't want to hear it!

Be positive, people! Positive!

ETA: Last night's practice went reasonable well--behavior was not much of a problem, though they were a rambunctious group. We keep telling them that they will "play how they practice"--maybe one day we'll actually explain that phrase to them. Leslie and I also got a lot accomplished, scheduling- and decorating-wise. All we can do now is pray and decorate the sanctuary.

Actually, I already know that prayer is sufficient. I keep leaning on my own strength instead of giving it to God. I need to be careful--God gave me this ministry, and He can just as easily take it away.

Toodles!

He moves in mysterious ways

Is that a U2 song or an INXS song? I can't remember, but I really want to say that it's U2, because I hear Bono in my head. Maybe that's just because I saw him on the Idol elimination show last night. This is the way my brain works--just go with it.

ANYWAY, it seems like pushing the musical to the 21st was absolutely the best thing that could have happened. I've found out that two more of my kids have games that night, plus parents were having to cancel their out of town plans so their kids can make rehearsals.

I have great choir parents.

So, I'm done complaining, because it's like Leslie told me--God has a reason why it's being pushed back, and He will be glorified by this musical.

Love Letter

As a kid growing up, I was sure that my life was not going to happen in Georgetown County. I was certain that I was going to have a Big Life as a singer on Broadway, and spent most if my waking moments dreaming about the day my life would begin.
That day never happened, or so I thought. Honestly, I have no one to blame but myself. I'm the one who didn't study hard enough in college and lost my scholarship. I'm the one who was always too afraid to learn to drive, so I never worked up the courage to just pack up and drive. It's easier to dream than it is to do.

That was almost fifteen years ago, and I realized when I woke up this morning that I've wasted the last fifteen years still waiting for my life to begin. What's wrong with the life I have now?

I have a good life. No, wait--scratch that. I have a great life.

I have a husband who loves me. Really, really loves me, and I see it each time he turns his eyes to me. I feel it every time we're in the same room together, and every time we talk on the phone. Richie is my best friend--he accepts me for who I am, and doesn't try to change me. He's given me everything I've ever wanted and more, and I really don't give Richie the credit he needs for being the awesome husband that he is to me. In fact, I've probably taken advantage of his good nature, I'm ashamed to say.

I have a sweet, loving, funny and talented son who has never been mean or disrespectful to me. The entire time he was living with us, I kept waiting for the "you're not my mother" card to be played, but he never did. He was always ready to help me out, whether I asked him to or not. In fact, he was usually disappointed when I would turn him down. I regret not watching him play baseball more, because it's truly something fascinating to see. He's the kind of player that plays with passion, and works so hard at his game that he makes it look easy and effortless when he's on the field. I'm so proud of him for winning MVP last year, and I can't wait to post a picture of his name on the wall at Mike Johnson Park. I'm looking forward to watching him play American Legion baseball this summer and at USC Lancaster next spring. I'm so lucky and so proud to call him my son.

Cathryn is a wonder to behold. She's a melting pot of the Thames family and the Jones family all rolled up into one energetic ball. Looks like Richie straight on and me from the side. Loves hunting, fishing, and baseball with her Daddy. (From what I hear, she's not afraid of the ball, which means that she's already a 100% better athlete than me!) Loves reading reading, singing, and musical like her Mom. Writes her own songs and loves to bang and strum them out on the keyboard and her guitar. Loves to shop like her Granny--she's already a pro at age six-and-a-half. Loves the beach and outdoors like her Pappy. Loves black fingernail polish and tattoos like her Aunt Tracey. And of course, every little thing Cathryn does thrills her Nana to pieces. She's sweet and spunky at the same time, and is never afraid to jump right in and make friends. Most importantly, she never lacks in self-confidence, and that will take her far. God really knew what He was doing when He blessed us with our sassy little diva.

I have a loving mother and sister who never judge me, even though I'm the first to confess that I can be judgmental. My mother still worries about me eating enough, being warm enough, having enough, even though I'm thirty years old and in charge of these things for my own family. My sister is my complete opposite, but she can make me laugh like no one else. She's an Elvis fan, and I'm a Beatlemaniac. She's a Johnny Cash-loving Goth and I'm practically Elle Woods. We love sending each other email surveys, just we can laugh at our differences. I'm the cynic, believe it or not, and she's the open-hearted one who wants to help people. Tracey should have been famous, too--her personality is much too bold and eccentric to be contained by our small town.

I have wonderful, incredible, and diverse friends. Friends from high school who even though we're separated always are able to pick up right where we left off. Newly discovered friends that I knew in school and never realized we had anything in common until we reconnected as adults. Church friends who make me laugh and make me think; good--no, great moms who made me realize that motherhood is a gift from God, not a job. Friends who have an infectious enthusiasm for life. And I cannot forget the women who've been spiritual mothers to me.

Then there's Beth. She's all of those women rolled up into one. She's more than my friend--she's like my sister. She's the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman and an excellent example of I Corinthians 13 love. My love for her is indescribable, and I'm thankful everyday that God put us in each other's lives.

Speaking of God, He's given me a ministry and a calling, not to mention all the other wonderful people I've written about today. I get excited thinking about children's choir, and all the directions Leslie and I can take them. I research and study new ways to teach class and relate to our students. I get the joy of passing my love of music and performance on to these kids each week, and I am eternally thankful. He gave me salvation and life and confidence that I never could muster on my own.

All these years, I've been waiting for my life to begin, and ignoring the life God gave me. It's time to start appreciating the so-called "small life". I just didn't know what I'd been missing.

Toodles!

I'm Just A Girl, Part Two

In my last post, I wrote about conservatism and feminism. Today, I'm going to talk about two opinions even more widely set-- feminism and being a born-again Christian. Traditionally, the Church has had staunch views on the roles of women. However, I believe that God loves women ('cause we all kw that God don't make no junk!), has a special purpose for women, and believes that women should be respected. Yes, Virginia, you can reconcile feminism and Christianity.

Today, women are not allowed leadership roles in the Baptist Church. I want us to take a look at Judges 4 and 5, and read about a woman named Deborah. Notice that there is no hooplah or fanfare about Deborah being appointed a judge. That's because, according to Mosaic Law, there was nothing prohibiting a woman from taking responsibilities ordinarily reserved for men. She was a prophetess, and was also married. People came from far and wide to have Deborah settle their disputes. Kinda reminds me of a less mouthy Judge Judy.

God gave Deborah a message for Barak to take an army to Mount Tabor, where God would deliver the Canaanites into his hands. This is what I find funny--Barak wouldn't go without Deborah. This in a culture where women weren't given any sort of consideration outside of childbearing. Hello! You have ten thousand men AND God on your side! Because of his fear, God had Deborah tell Barak that the victory would go to a woman.

God chose Deborah for her wisdom. We, as women, have wisdom gained from our past experiences that we can share. God called us to minister to others--not to gossip or catfight or tear one another down behind our backs. The world does that for us--Christian sisters need to build one another up.

In the New Testament, there's a change of attitude. I've been doing a lot of reading in the New Testament about women's role, and I'm very confused. Confused to a point to where I might have a problem with Paul. Not with God, mind you, but with Paul. Sometimes I feel like Paul is pressing his opinion onto the reader. For instance, you look at 1 Corinthians 7, where he tirades on marriage. Didn't God create marriage? Isn't is supposed to be an example of our relationship with God? We're often referred to as "the bride" and Jesus as "the bridegroom". Paul even admits that his thoughts against marriage are his own opinions.

How, then, am I supposed to know where Paul's opinion ends and God's Word begins? 1 Corinthians 11 and 1 Timothy 2, for example. Paul talks about a woman covering her head--Ok, I can chalk that one up to cultural custom of the time. However, he also goes on to say that woman is the glory of man. Funny, I thought I was created to glorify God. Certainly, I don't want to bring shame to my husband, but I don't think cutting my hair is going to do that. I also don't believe that God created me just so I could glorify a man. I have a brain, a heart, a voice that God gave me to use towards His glory.

What really confuses me, though, is 1 Timothy 2. Paul makes a lot of "I" statements, and I began to wonder again if this passage is another case of Paul stating his opinion. Paul says:
"I want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes..."
"I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent...But women will be save through childbearing..."

What am I supposed to think about this? That my salvation at age 17 meant nothing until I gave birth to Cathryn at age 25? That I'm not supposed to style my hair? That I should throw out my wedding rings? That I should wear a sack from my chin to my fingers to my toes? I don't think that I'm dishonoring God by looking nice. Didn't 1 Samuel 16:7 teach us that God doesn't look at the outward appearance, but at the heart?

I understand that God created Adam first, and that Eve was created as a helper for him. Like I said before, I don't want to hinder my husband. However, I don't think that it makes women second-class citizens. I have every right to a successful life that honors God.

In Luke 8:3, it clearly says that Mary Magdalene, Joanna (the wife of the manager of Herod's household)and Susanna among others were helping to support Jesus out of their own means. They were supporting Jesus' ministry financially! If that's not indepence, well, I'm just stumped.

Jesus' message while He was here on earth was simple: God loves you, and He wants you to love Him and one another. He came to die for men, women, and children. He did not make distinctions between the sexes.

So how do you reconcile feminism with Christianity? I believe you do it by knowing that God created you with a purpose, and that you are beautifully and wonderfully made. He gave us gifts and talents for us to use to glorify His name. The Bible is full of stories of women who lived their lives to honor God, not man.

Most importantly, God sent His Son to die for each of us.

How appropriate.

I just got an email from my Sunday School class leader about the topic for this Sunday's lesson:

Our Sunday School lesson this week comes from Psalm 7 and is about injustice. Read this Psalm from several interpretations. One of the Biblical truths of this lesson is that we should place our trust in God to help us through difficult times, Another is that a day will come when God will make everything right. In the meantime, we are to examine our own hearts and make sure our lifestyles, habits, actions, and words honor the Lord Jesus Christ.

As I read it, I just couldn't but think to myself--how appropriate.

It amazes me, the way God works. He knew, in His infinite wisdom that I (and I'm sure a few others) would be going through this crisis of faith, and He laid this lesson on someone's heart way, way, way back when this book was being written.

Sometimes, you can just feel God hugging you. I think I've moved on from denial, anger and depression, and moved into peaceful acceptance.

Did you ever get news so unexpected that it feels like someone told you about a death in the family?

That's the kind of news I got last night. It disturbed me to a point that I couldn't concentrate on pleasant diversions like American Idol and Project Runway. I really felt for Richie, because he knew what kind of funk it put me in, and I was certainly no fun to be around last night. It upset me so badly that I woke up at 3:30 this morning with a migraine.

I don't understand the people in my church. I love them, each and every one of them. But sometimes they do the most ridiculous things. Aren't Christians supposed to open their arms and hearts up to people in our church? Why, when someone comes in, do they strive to tear them down, oppose everything they try to do in our church? Especially someone with such an obvious love for God, someone who wants to worship God with all their heart, soul, and mind and life. It makes me glad that my faith is in God, and not in other Christians, because I'm beginning to wonder how many Christians we actually have in our church.

One of the stages of grieving is anger. And boy, I'm so angry I could spit.

Feeling Called

I almost don't know how to begin this. I suppose I could begin by saying that the entertainment bug hit me when I was four, and played a cow (with lines!) in the church Christmas play, and still remember how it felt to hold that microphone in my hand for the first time. Or I could say that I knew that I knew that I knew that I wanted to be a singer when I turned seventeen, and sang in church for the first time. Sure, I broke out into hives before I stepped onto the stage, but once the music started, I forgot that there was anyone else in the building and I could hear myself singing, but couldn't feel my lips moving--something that still happens to me today. Of all the things I don't know about God, or what he wants, I know this--he called me to sing.

For the longest part of my childhood, I never felt at home anywhere. Being an adopted child, there always was, for me, a feeling of not quite being part of the family. I certainly didn't fit in at school, where I was poor, and chubby, and love to read. In high school, I tried my hand at fitting in, and was marginally successful, and was accepted (to a point) as the girl who could make you laugh AND proof your English term paper. But when I stepped onto that stage in church, I knew where I belonged. The stage felt like home. The microphone felt like an old friend. Which, given my debut at age four, it was, if you think about it.

As an adult, it has become increasing clear that I am never going to be a professional singer. I've had to accept that though it may have been my wish for my life, it was just not God's will. Honestly, I've struggled heavily with it, even to a point of questioning God, asking Him if he really called me to sing. Then I remembered Spring 1997, when I stepped onto stage to sing. I had this overwhelming feeling...no, it was more than a feeling...I can't even describe it. I just suddenly knew that God was calling me into music ministry.

God every so gently reminded me of that this summer, when Lil emailed me, asking me if I wanted to direct the Children's Choir. I was tentative, because I have a tendency toward burning out when it comes to kids, but I knew God was telling me that this would be different. I always loved helping Jan with the Kids for the King choir, and looking back, God was obviously preparing me for this time in my life. We began preparing for the Christmas musical, and I will admit that it was very slow going at first. We spent one whole month of Wednesdays working on one song, because there were more of them than there was of me. Thankfully, Leslie came along, who I feel is called to the same ministry. She helps immensely.

But the funny thing was, no matter how rowdy they got, I couldn't wait for the next class. I found myself actually preparing for upcoming classes; preparing for the spring musical when I wasn't even done with the Christmas musical. It occurred to me one night, as I walking to my car across the parking lot, God did have a plan for me after all. He hadn't forgotten me, and had called me to something bigger than myself--helping children learn to worship and lead worship through song and drama.

It was the most welcome kick in the pants God ever gave me.