Thursday, January 18, 2007

AI Auditions: Seattle, WA 01/17/2007

Wow, so, last night's episode might have been the most boring auditions ever. So boring that even my recap was boring. Please accept my apology. Tonight, we are in Seattle, where auditions have never been held before. In that same pioneering spirit, I'm changing up the recap a little, myself. Hopefully, it will produce positive change for us both.

Disclaimer before I begin: I missed the first 45 minutes, so I apologize if I missed anything good and don't comment on it.

Going to Hollywood: Shymali Malakar, who is pretty and bright and sang "Summertime", and was the first person in two episodes who actually impressed me, and her brother Sanjayi, who sang "Signed, Signed, Delivered" and was even better than his sister. Oh, this is going to get fun in Hollywood. I was really prepared for Rudy, who was the last person to audition in Seattle on the first day, to suck hard. I know that Paula was hoping he was good, from the way she was looking at him. I was pleasantly surprised when he opened his mouth and out came a nice, passable "Open Arms" by Journey. I don't really know how I feel about Anna Kearns. I think that Simon thought she was interesting, but what was up with those crazy noises coming from Randy and Paula at their end of the table? And finally, there was Jordan Sparks, who sang "Because You Loved Me". WOW. I mean, just...WOW. And she's 16! Y'all know I'm not crazy about the young ones, but...WOW. She was sparkly-good.

Going home: The bad was really bad tonight, wasn't it? As Richie said, they weren't just bad, they were "sho' ugly". Or, in Josie-speak, "fugly". I didn't realize what a menagerie of freaks lived in Seattle. Grey's Anatomy certainly does not represent that demographic. Maybe that's something that Shonda Rhimes should explore. The freaks of Seattle. Nice. I'd love to see some diversity, though. Unattractive but talented people, or beautiful people without a lick of talent. Oh, that's right. Fake-ira did make it in last night, so there goes that theory.

First was Nick Zitzman, software engineer, who is so awesomely bad that I can barely put it into words. Nor could I look away from his unblinking performance of "Unchained Melody"> He just staring and plowing through. he never stopped, and no one wold stop him! Oh, the pain. He needed to be put out of his misery. Next was Kenneth ("I'll come at you like a spider monkey!), and his new best friend Jonathan Jaye. I was happy to at least see the judges act mercifully toward Jonathan, and let him down easy after he bitch-slapped and choked each note of "God Bless America", as there was obviously Something Not Right with the poor kid. Naturally, there was a Taylor Hicks impersonator. I could feel Mandy Bouchette's and Laurie Cox's wrath all the way from Williamsburg to Georgetown when Eric Chapman came on the screen. Y'all, he was so bad that it made Richie cover his head, and he watches Court TV. Speaking of court, last was Red, who looked like he had spent some time in the judicial system. Did y'all see Paula calling him a freak to the side camera? Well played, Paula. Now he's coming after you.

Oh! And how priceless was the forced singalong of The Pussycat Dolls' "Dontcha"? Ohhhohoho...hahahaha.... *falls out of chair laughing* Cause The Dolls are funny enough on their own, and they take themselves seriously.

So that's it for this week. It overjoys me to know that tonight's episode more than made up for last night's fiasco of pain and suffering. We were literally crying tears of joy and laughing until we were breathless. Ah, good times.

We're back in Memphis on Tuesday night, where Chris Daughtry met his untimely demise. Why are you looking at me like that? I told you that I am NOT BITTER AT ALL!



Samantha said...


Mandy said...

OH MY GOD, I COULD NOT BELIEVE HE EVEN THOUGHT HE WAS CLOSE TO TAYLOR. I thought for sure he would sound half way decent with the little clip of the women all around him, but I was wrong!!!

josiegirl77 said...

Oh, it was so obvious that the women around him were planted there. He sucked AWESOMELY!