Wednesday, January 31, 2007

AI Auditions: Los Angeles, CA 01/31/07

So we were in Birmingham last night, Taylor Hick's hometown, so tonight we're in Los Angeles, from where Katharine McPhee hails. Ugh. And I'm not ugh-ing McPhee, cause y'all know I had McPheever (until the Final our when she TOTALLY should have gone home instead of Chris Daughtry. What? I am completely NOT BITTER. Hey--should we just call him Daughtry! now? Might be funny.) We only have one more night of auditions after tonight, and I really can't say that I even like anyone that I've seen. No one has given a standout performance, as far as I've seen, maybe with the exception of Sundance, who I didn't see, and Richie had to tell me he was great.

Question: Do you really think Randy, Paula, and Simon are really shocked by the bad performances? Part of me thinks that they've been privy to the badness from the beginning, and it's all part of the act. Another part of me wants to be naive and trusting, and say that they're really shocked when someone comes in who is really bad. Alas, my realistic side kicks in, and tells me that they're really just faking it for the cameras. There comes a point when you're just not shocked by this stuff anymore, right? I mean, that's how I feel.

The guest judge tonight was Olivia Newton-John. Wow first (understandably) guest judging "You're The One That I Want", Grease's version of American Idol and now this, the real American Idol. Does she have something to promote that I didn't know about? On with the auditions!

Going to Hollywood:

Alaina Alexander: (I'm Feeling Good) I liked her voice, but I was with Randy--she was pitchy. I don't know--I'm feeling tinges of Lisa Tucker. She's too slick, you know? There's just so much about her I don't like, but I can't put my finger on it.

Brandon Rogers (Always On My Mind) has been a background singer for Anastasia and Christina Aguilera--so I'm thinking he must be pretty good. Richie says that since he's pretty, and can sing, he'll have Paula sticking to her seat. Oh, yeah, he'll go, because he can sing very well. I bet he'll go to the top 24, at least.

Brian Miller (Change Is Gonna Come) Wow--he's got quite a set of pipes, doesn't he? If he was eliminated during Hollywood rounds, he must have really done some improving. I don't remember him, either, and I'm surprised at myself. Bad Josie. I thought I knew them all!

Going Home:

Upon first sight of Phuong Pham (Dancing In The Street), I knew she was bad. Oh, but she's got a sob story, so who knows? She might be good. Oh, was I ever right--she is super awful. Oh, just spastic and not even close to good. Like, as far away from good as possible. Zooming right past bad and terrible, and heading quickly right into horrific territory.

Sherman (You Belong To Me) petitioned American Idol to audition, even though he is a million years old. His "Lady", who helped him with the petition, had cancer, and passed on the Friday before the audition. Oh, his story is so sad, and as hard-hearted as I am, it makes me want to cry. The judges proved to be human as well, and allowed him to sing, even though Sherman knew he wouldn't be going to Hollywood. His voice is nice, and Richie said that he was easily the best contestant that Idol has ever seen. Yeah, I think I might agree. While he wasn't the most talented, he was certainly the classiest. Afterwards, they all shook his hand (suggested by Simon, of all people) and hugged him. Wow--I think I felt some ice drip off of my cold heart.

Richie said that Ryan looks like a Smurf between the Compton couple. And Ryan is such a wee little man! They met at the freaking bus stop, people. But I guess stranger things have happened, since I met Richie in the checkout line at Winn-Dixie. Of course, I was the cashier and he was the customer. Let me stop before y'all think it's kinky.

Sparkles? Sheesh, is she really Sparkles? Please. Cavett Carr (Who knows what she' sang? Who could understand anything coming out of her mouth?) My spirit is being broken by just listening to her. She's very bad. I mean, can she hear herself? Does she really think that she's good? Ugh, and she's further degrading herself by flirting with Simon while her fiancee stands outside. Nice.

Speaking of Sparkles' fiancee, Darold Gray (I wish it would rain) is just as bad. What's wrong with these people?

Eric Mueller (Again, who knows?) had a social life before American Idol? Why do I find that hard to believe? Maybe his social life was playing D & D in his buddy's basement. He has obviously seen Paula fawn over Ace, and mistakenly thought it was over his falsetto, and thought he could win Paula's heart by singing in a key only animals can hear. Ugh. Please go away. ALL OF YOU. Yes, I'm looking at you, judges.

So, in conclusion, tonight was pretty much like every other audition city, even though the judges made sure to tell us that they thought this was where the most talent was. Huh. We must not have seen these awesome auditions. On the upside, is it me, or is Simon actually pretty close to civil this year? Randy has been the mean one this season, and Simon has shown something of a sense of humor. I guess those contract negotiations must have gone pretty well.

Next week: San Antonio, TX--last audition city! WOOO!


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