Wednesday, January 31, 2007

AI Auditions: Birmingham, AL 01/30/2007

Tired of searching for the next Reuben Studdard, Bo Bice, or Taylor Hicks, American Idol decided to go straight to the source and hold auditions in the unofficial capital of AI, Birmingham, Alabama. (Cue "Sweet Home Alabama.)

My one gripe: there was no group singalong! I wanted to hear lots of incompetent people sing "Sweet Home Alabama"! I feel cheated!

Going to Hollywood: Katie Bernard, who was cute until she opened her mouth. Remember the Paris Pain from last year? Yeah, it's worse than that. She sang "A House is Not a Home", and I never can remember who sings that song for real. Her voice, while not horrible, was also not great, and I think we will all find her more annoying as time goes by (so slowly). Ugh! And she even brought in her husband, who apparently thinks that it's still 2000 and that it's cool to pop your collar. Dude, it wasn't really even cool back then, so turn it down!

Tatiana McConnico (The Way I Love You) was cute, likable, and very talented. We'll be seeing her for a while, I think. The only thing that gets me is that catch in her voice. *shivers*

Bernard Williams (Rock With You) was very good, but I found his personality bland. Egads! Did I really say that? I thought it was about the singing! Yeah, it is, but still, I don't my American Idol to be a cardboard cutout. I mean, even Carrie Underwood has been showing some gumption lately. Come on, y'all know I love her. But Bernard? I don't know if I can see him as a contestant.

Jamie Lee Ward (Reflection), or Jailbait as I will be calling her. Oh, wait--no! She's got a sob story! Dear merciful heavens, what have I done to deserve Pickler 2.0? Truly this is our punishment for some wrongdoing that we should be saddled with this girl. I was hoping that she would be awful, but oh no, that would be too easy, wouldn't it? Now we're going to be suck with this chick all season long. *slams head on desk*

Chris Sligh (Kiss From A Rose) is a South Carolina boy! Melissa Guion-- do you know this kid? You know, they really had me fooled, because they were really building us up for a no. But wow--he can sing! And he's funny. I could possibly see myself voting for him. I mean, Paula did break out the seal clap for him.

Going Home: Erika Skye had the buildup to be a yes, but she really could not sing. I felt like my teeth were being were being extracted without anesthesia. She wished they were nicer--they wished she could sing.

Diana Walker (Saving All My Love), reason #553 You Should Not Sing Whitney Houston as an Audition Song: You are not Whitney Houston, and the judges will make fun of you if you don't sing it as well or better than La Houston herself. Especially if you're not a size 4, BECAUSE THEY WILL MAKE FUN OF YOU. I mean, at one point, I literally thought she was crying through her song. It was that bad.

Margaret Fowler was obviously a plant. That's all I've got to say about her and her crazy Big Bird getup.

Victoria Watson (You Raise Me Up) has long, long hair, for religious reasons, I suspect. Just call it a hunch. How in the world did she get permission to audition for American Idol? Her voice is nice, but it doesn't really fit. She belongs on Broadway. She's crying, but honestly, the judges were very nice to her. I don't get it.

Lakia Hill sang some Deborah Cox so badly that I feared that my ears were going to start bleeding.

Brandy Patterson (Like A Virgin) is either tone deaf or actually hearing impaired. And of course, it's the FLOOR'S FAULT that she can't sing. Yeah, OK, crazy lady.

Tomorrow--Los Angeles. WHEW! That's the last audition city and we can finally get to the real competition. Bring it on!


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