02/23/06, American Idol Eliminations, Week One

Ok, y'all. Due to popular demand, I'm also doing a recap of the elimination round. So, enjoy! Here goes:

I'm going to say first off that I missed some parts because Cathryn was begging me to bake brownies together. Being the good mommy that I am, I did, so we may gloss over some parts. Like the entire recap of who sang what. Who cares? It's not like we can vote or anything?

So we're going to eliminate a woman first. God, I hope it's Brenna. That girl's like having a cheese grater in your jeans. Ryan's got them lined up on the couch, and already, I know which row is safe. The top row is Mandisa, Kelly, Paris, Ayla, Lisa, and Katharine. Gee, it couldn't be that these are the safe singers? Gee, haven't the producers *ever* heard of subtlety? Apparently not, because the bottom row is Heather, Stevie, Melissa, Kinnick, Becky, and Brenna.

Is it just me or are these eliminations just confusing? Ryan tells us that the bottom three are Kinnick, Becky, and Brenna. He then tells Kinnick that she is safe, and can have a seat. So that means Becky and Brenna are going home, right? WRONG! A big, fat, wrong. It's just Becky, and I hear Trey say "No! She was robbed!" from the back bedroom. Hahahaha! Hormonal teenage boys can be so funny.

So as Ryan is talking to her, she grabs the mic and totally cuts him off. I know she didn't! Of course, Seacrest being the man he is, just lets it ride. MaximModel (did y'all know that she and her sister really posed in Maxim? I thought I was just being snarky, but apparently I have like a sixth sense or something about skankiness. Go me!!!) better be glad that it wasn't Paula from whom she snatched that mic or Paula, in her drunken stupor, would have slapped her. I'd pay good money to see Paula slap someone. Surely, I can't be the only one who thinks that would be riotously funny. What the ****? Is Becky wearing jeans? Under what looks like a summer dress? I guess models are allowed to dress any fugly way they want. Hmm....something else to ponder.

Oh, I am so tired! And Cathryn will NOT STOP TALKING EVER ABOUT THE STUPID BROWNIES. OH. MY. GOD. Kid, I already told you like 50 times that you can lick the spoon! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

All right, now the boys are lined up, and the top row is Gedeon, David, Taylor, Will, Bucky, and Patrick. The bottom row is Ace, Kevin, Bobby, Sway, Chris, and Elliott. Apparently, this group is the mixed bag because one would assume that if Ace and Chris are on the same row, that it's safe, but then they plopped Bobby in the middle of it to muddle the equation. Then Ryan tells us (does anyone else find themselves strangely attracted to Seacrest? I don't know; I think it was a combination of his clothes and my extreme exhaustion that may be bringing on this feeling.) that the top row is safe. WTF? Safe? These guys? I mean, sure...the top row does have Taylor and Will...but how is the bottom row not safe? Whatever.

So Ryan's making them stand up and telling them they're safe beginning from the outside in, so the order is something like this: Ace and Elliott (safe), Kevin and Chris (safe), Bobby and Sway (the bottom two). And, big surprise, the eliminated party is Bobby. Oh, thank God. I won't have to hear his endless prattling on about fricking Barry Manilow. And before he sings, he just KEEPS TALKING. Oh, for the love of Pete! Blah, blah, frickety blah!

After another set of commercials, we're back to eliminating another girl. This is the part I missed, because I was placing brownie batter in the oven, so I'll just skip to it and say that it was Stevie. Yay! I got that one right, and once again, she proves to us why she's going home, because girlfriend can't seem to hold a note in a bucket.

Back to the guys, and this time, Seacrest says that the bottom row is safe. Of course, we know this because they've gotten rid of the Barry Manilow stalker. Now he's having the guys from the top row line up on either side of him. Oh, please, please, please! Let it be David Bradford. I don't know if I can take another week of him. Looks like the bottom two are Bucky and Patrick, which means that Patrick is going home. Guess that'll teach him not to dance to a Melissa Etheridge song.

Till next week...Toodles!