American Idol Season 9, Episode 23: Top 12, Results

Normally, I find the opening segments of American Idol overwrought and corny. But last night, it was so extremely overwrought, corny, and chock-full of cheese that I had to love it. They began by showing the contestant's various roads to the Top 12 while the Everly Brothers song "All I Have To Do Is Dream" played in the background. Then, they went immediately to a recap of Tuesday night's performances underscored by music from Clash of the Titans or something similar.

This is American Idol!

Ryan, who inexplicably was not wearing a green tie, nor a green pin, nor green socks that I could see on St. Patrick's Day, had Simon explain "the judges' save". The judges can save any contestant that has been eliminated up until the Top 5, but it must be unanimous and can only be used once in the competition. I have mixed feelings about this particular producer ploy. On the one hand, it can keep a shocker elimination from happening, a la Jennifer Hudson, but it can also keep obvious plants (Oh, don't you think for a MINUTE those producers aren't out there actively searching for professionals without national exposure. Carly Smithson ring a bell? As much as I loved her, she was a pro. I used to have a Pandora station dedicated to her back in Season 5, when she was Carly Hennessey.) in the competition.

David Cook performed, and I am still happy that he won Season 7. He was a bit of an odd cookie, but he turned in solid performances week after week and didn't allow his personal life to be dragged into the competition. That said, I liked hearing him sing "Jumpin' Jack Flash", but that is not a song that translates well in 2010. Does anyone even say 'it's a gas" anymore to describe something fun or laughable?

Is it April 13 yet? Cause I can't wait for the Glee kids to sing The Beatles. And for Will and Emma to sing sappy love songs to each other. Actually, I'm some kind of ready for Glee, period. I've missed those crazy kids!

Our first pimpmercial of the season finds the Top 12 (well, minus a flu-ridden Casey) riding around in Ford Fiestas throwing paintballs at each other while wearing white outfits, singing something called "Tick Tick Boom". I miss the old days when the commercials weren't so slick. Also, I want that Sunflower car that Bowersox created. Even if it is a Ford Fiesta. I love sunflowers.

I was not entirely sure that Orianthi wasn't just Avril Lavigne trying out a new persona until she began talking to Ryan, and then I realized that she was the guitarist for Michael Jackson in This Is It. No, she definitely not Avril Lavigne. My bad. Also, can I have a wind machine so that my hair blows like that all the time? I would probably just look like I was stuck in a cyclone or something, though.

The bottom three were collected: Paige Miles, Tim Urban, and Lacey Brown. I totally called this. Well, actually, I said that the bottom three were going to be Tim, Lacey, and Andrew, but I wanted to write Paige/Andrew because I just couldn't decide. Whatever. Unfortunately, Tim was sent back to the couch and we will have to endure him and his painful warbling for another week.

Was Ke$ha's performance a joke? I mean, was she for real? Was she drunk or making a satired commentary on bar culture with that performance? Is she an actual artist or a Lady Gaga tribute artist? I...I...I...I'm still not quite sure what to make of what she did on that stage last night. Speechless.

And finally, Lacey Brown was eliminated and was not saved by the judges. She's from Texas, but so is Casey, and I knew that once they went head to head, Lacey would not be able to stand up to Casey's fan base.

Next week, the Top 11 sing songs from "Teen Idols". OOH. Lord, please let someone sing a New Kids on the Block song. It would, like, make my week. Totally.

Toodles!