American Idol, Season 9, Episode 7: Denver Auditions

Forgive me in advance if I ramble, I've just had a strong cup of coffee this morning.

Was anyone else totally unimpressed with the showing of talent in Denver? Or non-talent, as one would have it. This is American Idol, after all, and what would Idol be without it's lovable losers and arrogant delusionals? The whole night, though, I just felt....MEH. You know? It was almost as if the writers and producers knew that this was going to be a lackluster episode, so they decided to let Seacrest remind us that Chris Daughtry auditioned here all the way back in Season Five. Yeah, that was four seasons ago. We don't care anymore.

While we swam in the sea of mediocrity, where the good auditions weren't great and the bad auditions were merely annoying, Victoria Beckham also floated by, a margarita in her hand. Hmm. Maybe I should say Rum & Coke, since Coca-Cola is one of Idol's biggest sponsors. Wait--didn't we just see her in the season opener? In Boston? It was a two-hour episode? Why? We just had three episodes back to back of two judges each--that's six guest judges in a week and a half, if you're keeping score, but Idol can't be bothered to find us a new judge for Denver? It's not that I don't like Victoria Beckham--quite to the contrary, actually. (Oh that was so very British of me!) Although, I do want to make Victoria eat, like, four bacon sandwiches on white bread slathered in Duke's mayonnaise. Come on, you know she's too thin! Eat something, lady! It's just that we've already seen her, and I want to see somebody new! Idol is one of the most popular, powerful shows on television--they couldn't find at least one new judge to sit with Randy, Kara, and Simon for two days? Something's up there and I'd be willing to bet my magazine collection that Kara requested Posh Spice again after the Katy Perry episode, when the claws were drawn. I'd love to know the whole story.

Then again, maybe I'm just cynical and bitter after trudging through all these auditions. I feel battle-worn and weary, just the way I do every season. I get so tired of the spin, the editing, the people that get made fun of because no one loved them enough to tell them that they're not good singers. I'm tired of the people who get set up by radio stations to perform badly, and the ridiculous posers whose only goal is to act stupid on national television. I'm looking at you, Bikini Boy. Or not. I'm actually kind of side-eyeing you, over the top of your head. I don't really want to make eye contact.

I've said once, and I'll say it again--I'm ready for Hollywood. It's like the light at the end of a tunnel. It's our reward for slogging through the audition muck. Truth be told, I'm ready for Ellen. I really like Ellen DeGeneres, but I do have my reservations about her taking the fourth spot on the judges panel. Ellen will be able to establish a very easy rapport with the contestants, I have no doubt of that, because she seems very nice, and is quite hilarious. However, this isn't American Stand-Up or Last Comic Standing or whatever that show was that Jay Mohr hosted on NBC. To my knowledge, and correct me if I'm wrong, Ellen's extent of musical experience is limited to dancing on her show. Paula at least did have experience in the music business, having been a performer. On the other hand, Ellen, as opposed to Paula, is pretty much conscious at all times and seems to be drug and alcohol free. That will at least make it easier to understand her comments, instead of having to listen to things like "Your voice is a rainbow!" Maybe Ellen is being brought in as a music lover, and she'll give that perspective--you know "the fan as judge", giving the little people a voice. Anyway, I'm not going into this with my axe raised, ready to make heads--and my eyes-- roll.

The biggest tease of all--the closing credits. Seacrest didn't even tell us about the next episode. My guess--and I just confirmed it by checking the American Idol website--is that we're going to get a 'best of' kind of episode, cobbled together from all the audition cities. Apparently, some folks made it to the Top 25/36/whatever that weren't expected to make it. I wonder if Ellen had a hand in this....

No, I'm not jaded and cynical at all, am I?

Toodles!