American Idol Season 9, Episode 12: Hollywood Week, Part Four

Tonight's the night, folks! We finally find out who Simon, Ellen, Kara, and Randy have chosen as our Top 24! We saw the first seven last night--Michael Lynche, DiDi Benami, Katelyn Epperly, Casey James, Aaron Kelly, Lee Dewyze, and Tondrick Hall. I am still confused by the decisions made thus far, but what can we do except vote them off? Anyway, 7 down and 17 to go! Let's get started, because THIS is American Idol!

I love how Ryan Seacrest calls this The Final Judgement, like all the contestants have gone on to meet Jesus.

Oh my gosh, y'all, Janell Wheeler FORGOT TO WEAR PANTS! I'd be crying, too, if I walked into the Kodak Theatre without my pants. It would be a nightmare come true. I've never actually had that nightmare. I usually have nightmares about falling or Georgetown exploding. Anyway, Janell has made it to the Top 24, but not her pants, which are doubtlessly still lying on the floor of her hotel room.

I had a really hard time remembering Tyler Grady until American Idol and Ryan Seacrest were so very kind to remind me that he was the late-born love child of Jim Morrison and Robert Plant. Was Tyler a good singer? I can't remember. Guess we'll find out on Wednesday when the Top 12 guys perform, since he'll be a part of them.

Things don't look too promising for Lacey Brown. She didn't make it last season, and now we've already seen two contestants make it through. She has a really unique voice, though, and hearing her sing "What A Wonderful Word" was a great experience. I don't say this often, but I am so happy to be wrong about this one! She made it through! Sometimes, the judges still surprise me.

Crystal Bowersox has the voice to make to Top 24, but not necessarily the look. That's not me being mean, it's me taking what I know about American Idol from watching the show obsessively for the past eight years. Contestants like Carrie Underwood come along and the judges practically wet themselves to get her into Hollywood--she cute, she's talented, she's marketable. But a contestant like Crystal comes along, and the judges don't always know quite what to do with her. It worries me, but Crystal is all cool and laid back about the whole thing. I'm having heart palpitations just waiting for the decision. They told her yes! She got a yes! WooHoo!

Katie Stevens makes her way down the long, dark aisle and the whole time I'm thinking, "This is a yes, right? I mean, she's too good NOT to make it." All those things I said about about Crystal Bowersox and marketability? Well, Katie Stevens is all that wrapped up in a cute little package with pink glittery buttons on the grosgrain ribbon bow containing that powerful mature voice of hers. Ellen had this girl literally shaking and on the verge of tears waiting on her verdict, which is of course a yes because Ellen has yet to deliver bad news to anyone. I wonder if that's in her contract?

Y'all! Square Pegs didn't make it! I am totally devastated! I can't even remember if she was really that great a singer or not, but I loved using that nickname for her. It still had a lot of mileage left on it. Drat.

I didn't think that I would ever be a fan of a contestant with an arrest record, and yet, here I am, cheering on Angela Martin. I loved her every time I have ever seen her on this show, and it has broken my heart each time she didn't make it. She's talented, and I really believe she should have had a place in the competition this year. I absolutely cannot believe that she didn't make it through to the Top 24. Why drag the poor girl through this? Hasn't she already been through enough? Why give her that pearl of hope by putting her in a room that went through, knowing you were just going to cut her? How do you say no to someone that talented, that passionate? That's just cruel, American Idol, and no one deserves that. This was her last year! Ryan even looks upset, tower of professionalism that he is. For once, I hope that someone cut this early really gets their shot, so she can say "Told You So" to the judges. If I was Angela, I'd even make up a little dance.

Lilly Scott has an affinity for those purple tights, doesn't she? I'm a big fan of purple, and I think purple fishnets have their place, but that place is NOT on television. Unless you're playing a hooker. To take the long walk, Lilly has chosen to dress up a little, and wear black floral fishnets. And BROWN cowboy boots. Sheesh, people! Is it really so hard to match BLACK? Cripes, it almost makes me want to root against her if she just wasn't so darn good! I'm hoping that she'll do better once she's in the Top 24.

Haeley Vaughn is annoying and Simon agrees with me. I get really excited when Simon and I agree, because it makes me feel like I'm on a winning team. Unfortunately, though, the judges decided to put her through to the Top 24. Guess I'll have to organize my "Get Rid Of Annoying Contestant" voting campaign early this season.

Other folks that made it to the Top 24 that the producers didn't think were interesting enough to highlight, other than flashing their name and a shot of them getting the good news:

Ashley Rodriguez

Alex Lambert

Joe Munoz

Paige Miles

Siobhan Magnus

Michelle Delahour

Jermaine Sellers

John Park

Tim Urban (Did the producers even show the judges tell him he was in? I don't remember seeing him until the Parade of Wacky Dances.)

So we're down to the wire and there's only one spot left for the guys. And who do the cruel, cruel producers of American Idol pit against one another? The sweet, good natured Thaddeus Johnson and the ultra-talented Andrew Garcia. I mean, come on. Everyone out here in TV Land knows who is going to come out of this smelling like a rose. My heart just lurches when the judges deliver the blow to Thaddeus, but I am glad that they didn't string him along. I can understand his frustration, too. The judges have given him praise all week long, and are now cutting him. I just hope he recovers from this quickly, and realizes that there's always next year, because he's only 16!

Also, I'm calling it now--Andrew Garcia is going to win American Idol 9.

To summarize, or to recap the recap, Ryan announces the Top 24 while they all dance dorkily to what sounds like a Katy Perry song: DiDi Benami, Katelyn Epperly, Janell Wheeler, Lacey Brown, Ashley Rodriguez, Crystal Bowersox, Katie Stevens, Lilly Scott, Paige Miles, Siobhan Magnus, Michelle Delahour, Haeley Vaughn, Michael Lynche, Casey James, Aaron Kelly, Lee Dewyze, Tondrick Hall, Tyler Grady, Alex Lambert, Joe Munoz, Jermaine Sellers, John Park, Tim Urban, and Andrew Garcia.

Get those voting fingers ready, people! Top Twelve girls sing on Tuesday! I love alliteration!

Toodles!