Freaking country week, y'all. FREAKING country week. Now, of this group, who is the country singer that we are supposed to be highlighting? Not one of these contestants is a country singer, so far that we've seen, and we're in the Top Seven. Surely, if there was a country singer amongst them, they would have emerged by now. That being said, I actually do like country music. I'm actually listening to Gary Allen while typing this for y'all. And I really like Martina McBride, because she has this powerhouse voice that hearkens back to a different era, even if a lot of her songs are extremely serious, and I can't really listen to them without crying. When I heard “Concrete Angel” for the first time, I think I had a small stroke, because I felt like my whole head had caught on fire, and I couldn't breathe for a little while. I still can't listen to that song. On with the music of pain!
First up is Phil, who I missed, because I was putting Cathryn to bed, so I'm relying on information from Richie. He sang Keith Urban's “Where the Blacktop Ends”, and apparently Martina McBride thought that it was a really good song choice. I came in on the end, and I thought it was really great. Apparently, so did everyone else, including the judges. Good job, Phil—maybe you can stick it out one more week.
Jordin decided to sing “Broken Wing”, originally sung by Martina McBride herself, which is both kind of ballsy and suck-uppy at the same time, because she did this during Gwen Stefani week, too. Makes me wonder if she didn't know any country music, and just Googled Martina McBride to decide on a song. I thought she'd choose something softer and breathier, like Faith Hill's “Breathe”, so I'm really excited that she's choosing something unexpected. It's hard for me to believe that this girl is a mere seventeen years old singing this song, because she's singing it like she's lived it, and that perfectly manicured eyebrow of hers kills me. I could write an essay about the flick of that eyebrow. That reminds me—I need to get mine done. Oh, the song—the performance, and Jordin's voice was both controlled and understated. Yet, I could not take my eyes off her while she sang. Is it too early to say she was my favorite of the night?
Sanjaya is grinning like a freaking horse eating briers. I want to slap the taste out of his mouth. He chose to rape and murder Bonnie Raitt's “Something To Talk About”, and THAT IS NOT A COUNTRY SONG. It's a rock song with a country influence. I can't believe that I'm going to say this, but...I preferred Kellie Pickler's version during last year's semifinals. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME, FREAK SHOW! I wish someone would rush the stage and take him out. Simon, preferably. BOTTOM—oh, why the heck does it matter? He's like a freaking cockroach. A nuclear holocaust couldn't get rid of this guy, and I will tell you why right now. Today, before bedtime, Cathryn told me that she wanted to vote for this crime against humanity. I almost broke down and cried. I wanted to correct her, and tell her that Sanjaya was really the devil, but Richie told me that I really shouldn't press my opinions on her, and should let her form opinions of her own. DUDE. That's why I had a kid.
Lakisha chose to sing “Jesus Take The Wheel”, obviously because she wants to go home. Why else would she choose to sing a former Idol winner's number one single? Does she not remember what happened to Lisa Tucker last year when she sang Kelly Clarkson? Watching her perform this song, though, it makes me wonder if it's because she wants to try and prove that she's better than Carrie Underwood. Not a smart move, trying to outsing someone who has won more awards than they are old. I mean, sure, I have to give her props for sheer moxy, singing this her way, and the beginning is very good, sounding a bit like R&B or Gospel. Unfortunately, the performance takes a downward turn during the most powerful part of the song, which really should be KiKi's strong suit. Instead of singing the correct notes, she opts to scream. Oh, this was a mistake. As the judges comments come in, Lakisha looks like she's going to cut Paula. Oh, come on, woman. You chose a freaking Carrie Underwood song, and you didn't think that you'd get criticized for it? BOTTOM THREE.
Chris was born to sing Rascall Flatts, theoretically. The lead singer for the group is nasally, and so is Chris. He chose to sing “Mayberry”, which may get him back into my good graces, but if he wanted to solidify his place, eh really should have chosen “Melt”. The rehearsal sounded good, so I was excited to hear the finished product. It started off really rough, and I began to wonder if maybe it was just nerves, because this isn't his genre. The song doesn't get better, and I'm afraid that he's trying to sing it too much like the original. Oh, Chris. You sounded so good during rehearsal. What happened? Cripes. BOTTOM THREE.
Melinda is wearing a horrendous tube dress OVER JEANS, and I thought we had killed that trend when freaking Becky Donahue killed Bruce Springsteen/10,000 Maniacs last season, but at least her hair looks cute. She's singing “Trouble is a Woman”, by someone named Julie Reeves, and has a wonky eye in rehearsal. Melinda does what smart contestants do—she chose a song in the week's genre that fits her style. Another pitch-perfect performance. It really kind of bothers me, actually, that all her performances are so perfect, because I can't ever find funny or snarky things to say about her. Le sigh.
Blake has chosen to sing Tim McGraw's “When The Stars Go Blue”, which is one of his less annoying songs. I'm pretty psyched that I don't have to sit and watch Blake beatboxing through “Do You Want Fries With That”, or something similarly stupid. He's done what Melinda did, as well. This song was originally sung by The Coors, so it's actually in a genre that he's familiar with. His little sweater is so cute, all preppy on country night. Can you imagine what Blake did when he found out the theme? I like to think that he, like me, rolled his eyes and said, “Freaking country week? Really, Nigel?”
You know what was missing tonight? Gina Glocksen singing “Angel of the Morning”. That would have been an excellent choice. I think I'll write her a letter.