Tonight is a VERY SPECIAL SHOW. OOOH. You know what I hate about VERY SPECIAL EPISODES? They're usually boring beyond belief. Like when Willis sets out to prove Mr. Drummond wrong about Arnold and kills Arnold's goldfish, or when Jessie got hooked on caffeine pills. THIS is Idol Gives Back.
Ryan is working the scruff tonight, which dismays me. He looks so much better clean-shaven. Maybe he and Simon were fighting beforehand, and he didn't have time to shave. I dunno. Anyway, after they show us some extremely sad footage which makes me almost feel bad for snarking on my favorite cheesy show, Scruffy!Ryan tells us that tonights theme is “Songs That Inspire”, and I'm happy to hear that this theme is broader. The contestants this season usually don't fare so well when limited, but that's because we have a group of singers who don't actually have a style. They're just that--singers.
First up is Chris Richardson, singing “Change The World” by Eric Clapton, which isn't actually an inspiring song but more of a love song, but whatever works for him. I mean, it could be worse—The Thing That Killed Season Six could be performing tonight. This song is much better than last week. I'm not cringing in pain like I was during Country night. And I have to be honest, this song is really good for him. To quote Randy, he's really “making it his own”, and it sounds like a song that would be on a Chris Richardson CD. Very nice. Maybe his best performance ever.
Seacrest's hair looks REALLY bad in this filler. He's in the US—I know that products are available, even in the poorest sections of the country. Maybe Seacrest thinks he's too good to visit the local Wal-Mart. Hmm.
Melinda Doolittle chose to sing “There Will Come A Day” by Faith Hill. Let's go ahead and yawn—we know it's going to be perfect. So let's talk about the way she looks instead. That dress is seriously lacking in a flattering color, and I do not care for the drape, either. It makes her look heavy. Her hair looks great, and so do her shoes. I would KILL for those shoes. But that necklace—well, it looks like two necklaces, and they don't go together. Of course, she gets glowing reviews from the judges, and deservingly so. I mean, she sangs it so well, that I don't even recognize it as a Faith Hill song.
Blake Lewis looks like a douche tonight. He actually looks like a homeless man on a VERY SPECIAL EPISODE of Miami Vice. The song that inspired him was “Imagine” by John Lennon. Gah, way to take the easy way out there, Beatbox. As y'all can tell, I am beginning to tire of Blake, and him making every song sound the same. I mean, “Imagine” is a pretty safe song, to boot, but Blake singing it is like...a lullaby. BOTTOM THREE.
More filler. Sheesh, it's like the finale. Except sadder. I have to look away. It's like one of those Christian Children's Fund commercials, but longer and sadder. At least no one is singing “Amazing Grace” over the images.
Lakisha obviously wants to go back to working at the bank, because for the second week in a row, she has chosen to sing a song made famous by an American Idol. This week, it's “I Believe” by Fantasia. In true Lakisha fashion, she pays no attention to the fact that she was in the Bottom Two last week for singing an Idol song, and plows right into this song with incredible aplomb. WHAT A SURPRISE. Is this the Season Three Coronation song? It seems really familiar. Now, this week's performance is better than last week, if a little screamy towards the end. Still. That's like a cardinal rule of Idol. Her dress, though? Beautiful. BOTTOM THREE.
Phil—Has he died his eyebrows? They look much darker than normal. Yikes! Because Phil is not stupid, he chose another country song. And not just any country song, but a 9/11 country song--“The Change” by Garth Brooks. He also looks like he's lost about twenty pounds since last week, making him scarier. The vocal is good, but I must look away. He's creeping me out. Also, with so many great performances tonight, this could be deemed forgettable. BOTTOM THREE.
Ah, this is filler that I can stomach—Simon going to an American Foodbank, and Simon being generally adorable. Yay, Simon!
Jordin is closing out the show again, this week with “You'll Never Walk Alone”. Another gorgeous dress, more killer shoes. Another surprising, controlled performance from Jordin. A bit pitchy in the middle, but she's getting emotional, a la Vonzell in Season 4. But—she finished strong, and that's often what counts with voters. Y'all know that I have never liked the young contestants, saying that they were too young for the competition and needed more experience, but I think Jordin has completely turned my opinion around, because she often seems more mature and comfortable onstage than her older fellow competitors.
Tomorrow night—two hours of performances! Well, we know that actually, it will be 20 minutes of performances, 25 minutes of filler, and 10 minutes of commercials, and 5 minutes of actual results. Yay! (Not.)