American Idol Performances 04/11/06 #5

I have to admit that when I heard about the Queen theme, I teetered between depression and confusion. Surely, this was a joke, and could anybody really do Queen justice after Constantine owned that song last year? And certainly, no one would be insane enough to try "Bohemian Rhapsody" so soon. We shall see.

As Ryan talks about the band, we see the contestants head-banging "Wayne's World" style, because how can you not? It's the only part of that movie that I remember, and I'm sure that I'm not the only one who's suffers from the same affliction. I love that the band is so nice to everyone, because, really, this is Queen and could be really snotty if they wanted to--but all the contestants seem to be having the time of their life.

Personally, my favorite Queen song is "Another One Bites The Dust", because a) it has a bass beat that is so rocking you can't get it out of your head for days and you find yourself walking to the fricking beat at very odd times and b) for some reason, everytime I hear it, I think of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and I have nothing but love for Buffy and her show.

Oh, there were performances tonight? Well, why didn't anyone tell me? Let's get to it!

Bucky gets the top spot tonight, though any Bucky fans shouldn't be too thrilled about it, because can anyone really remember the first performances? I'm pretty sure Chris has never performed first, because they know he's the awesomest and want everyone to remember his performances. Oh--Bucky sang (thank you, Lord!) "Fat-Bottomed Girls" AND I WILL SKIP THE OBVIOUS MANDISA JOKE because I am better than that and us big girls have to stick together! Girl power, and so forth. Well, looky here--the Buckster's gone and washed his hair again, and he's back to hte foofy Jessica Simpson-do. He's really growling and mumbling through the song, and I can't understand a word except "Fat-Bottomed Girls". So sad. At least Bucky looks like he's having fun. Bottom Three.

Coming in off of the high of "I Wanna Cry" from last week, Ace is singing "We Will Rock You" tonight. Huh? Choosing one of the band's most popular songs? Mistake. Grabbing his mic, Bo- and Daughtry-style? Mistake. Breathy, sexed-up, boy-band version of what is probably one of the BEST LOVED ANTHEMS OF OUR TIME? Mistake. As Paula said to Heather in the semifinals, "You look beautiful." Poor, pretty Ace. Bottom Three.

I need to apologize to Tiffany Vause for leaving the very frantic voicemail message last night after Kellie sang "Bohemian Rhapsody." I was shocked and appaulled that she would be crazy enough to sing a much lackluster version of what is seen as Constantine's greatest moment of Season Four. Oh, and it ain't pretty. She's styled herself all biker with the crazy chopped up hair and the rings of black eyeliner, and God help me, a black biker jacket that really looks like something out of Battlestar Galactica, and black jeans tucked into black boots. The lighting isn't helping, either because she looks like a zombie. And the singing! Repeat after me: OFF-KEY. OFF-KEY. OFF-FREAKING-KEY! I wish I caould say Bottom Three, but once again, she's got all her fans fooled into thinking that everything she sings is freaking gospel, even if it's OFF KEY during THE ENTIRE PERFORMANCE!!! Please, y'all--use your ears when voting!

Ah, finally. my ears can rest on the beautiful gloriousness that is Chris Daughtry. He's singing "Inneundo", and this is a strange song. Also, the lights are very distracting and they make it hard for me to look at Chris's performance because I don't want to have a seizure like those Japanimation cartoons can give you from all the flashing lights. Oh, but his voice. Well, it's a little growly, and I have to say that this isn't my favorite performance from him. When you rock so hard on "Walk The Line" and then make us swoon with "Making Memories Of Us", it seems that some of the performances just don't compare. Still, I voted for like an hour because he's still LEAPS AND BOUNDS better than Kellie and anything I can do to get her kicked off, I will.

Is anyone else disappointed that Katharine domped "Don't Stop" for "Who Wants To Live Forever"? She did really well last week, so I'd love to see her shake her booty some more instead of jusst freaking standing there. Her outfit is cute tonight, and quite 1940s, my favorite clothing era. The vocal is not good, and she's going flat on many notes. Y'all know--I love Kat. But I am not into this vocal. I don't care what the judges think. Bottom Three.

Elliott redeems us with the gospelm-flavored "Somebody To Love". Beautiful vocal, and I'm going as far to say one of his best performances, even if only one part of the audience participated with his hand-swaying request, especially with that last note. Glorious. TOP THREE, BABY!

Taylor is back to form tonight, showing David Radford how to sing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". Awesome, awesome. He's enjoying himself, the audience is enjoying it, and I know I'm loving it. Dare I say it? Better than Fantasia's performance in Season Three--and there she is, sitting behind Paula! Top Three.

Once again, my apologies to Tiffany V., because I didn't feel the Paris Pain tonight. Aside from the extensions, she totally owned "The Show Must Go On". I'm also not crazy about her reinterpretation of Rocker Chic, and find it a little slutty. But that doesn't matter--the vocal does, and I have to say that Paris was really good tonight, and I agree with the producers putting her in the last spot tonight. Simply, the vocal and performance were great. Top Three.

Top Three: Elliott, Taylor, Paris
Bottom Three: Ace, Katharine, Bucky
Going Home: Ace

Toodles!