As it turns out, I'm bad luck to the Georgetown High School baseball team (must be something to do with that Yellow Jacket Fever running through me), so I was told to stay home by my husband. Bad news for me, but good news for you--I got to watch American Idol!
The pre-song video this week is all about telling the viewing audience something that we didn't know about the contestants.
First up is Paris, and despite the fact that she is wearing jeans under a dress, she looks fabulous in that green color and her hair doesn't make her look like she'll be attending a funeral after the show. For her pre-video interview, Paris tells us that we would be surprised to find out that she is a total tomboy. Huh. Well, I guess that does surprise me, but that's not what I'm here for, so we'll move on, OK? Paris is returning to her fun-song roots with "Conga" by Gloria Estefan. Personally, I thought she was good, definitely better than last week, but she still didn't, in the words of Kirsten Dunst and Randy Jackson "bring it". Of course, the judges are right, and she will sail through to the Top 12. I've really got to gripe here that Randy and Paula are pulling their usual crap. They told her last week to fun it up a bit, and when she did exactly as they asked, they're still not happy. I have a theory about that, but I'll wait a few folks down to tell you all. I'm hoping (as she was an early favorite of mine) that she will do well under the guidelines of theme weeks, and bring us back to the Paris we know and love.
Next is Lisa, who looks great with her hair all blown out, and gives me a big surprise: she plays electric guitar and worships at the feet of Jimi Hendrix. And still, Miss Tucker chooses yet another song that I've never heard--"Where I Stand" by Tiffany Taylor. Heck, I've never heard of Tiffany Taylor. I don't think that Lisa can sing anything but ballads, and I'm calling her on that crap right now. Now, I totally get why she chose this song. The lyrics are all about the self-pimp, and go something to the tune of "I'm a star, love me, love me"....I don't know, but it was definitely along those lines. Of course, the judges love her but only because, as Paula stated, "she's the total package"--poised, polished, and perfect. She's also completely free of passion and feeling in the songs, but I guess that in the arbitrary world of American Idol, that really doesn't matter.
Melissa McGhee is wearing another stripper-ific outfit of jeans cut waaaaaayyyyyyy too low, cropped jacket, and freaking glittery bustier. Her hair? Very reminiscent of Paula that one week she looked old and weary. I hate that brushed back look. Makes the forehead look about ten inches high. Is that the point? Yes and no, because as we've learned from Lisa Tucker and Kellie Pickler, it's not always about singing, but mostly it is about image. I'm sorry, I'm just a little bit bitter. Anyway, Melissa is singing "What About Love" by Heart, and by-gosh golly, I love me some Heart. Absolutely one of my favorite bands, and I thought that she did a really good job with it. She's been getting consistently better every week, and I think that it worries the judges, because she's not one of the Chosen Ones, so Simon basically tells her to pack her bags. For that, I resolved to vote for Melissa at least five times, a promise that I kept. I'm telling y'all right now, if Melissa gets the boot Thursday night, y'all will be hearing me say, "My spirit has been broken."
Kinnk is fourth, and she's singing "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys. Now, if you'll pardon me for a moment, I need to address Kinnik personally. Ahem: Dear, sweet Kinnik, have you never watched American Idol? Have you never seen the semi-finals before when someone decides to pull out the Alicia Keys, thinking that it's really going to show off their vocals, when in fact no one is really good enough to pull off Alicia Keys but Alicia Keys herself, because it's only going to highlight who's the professional (Alicia Keys) and who's the amateur masquerading as a professional (Kinnik Sky). Also, sweet, beautiful, poised Kinnik, every time someone pulls out the Alicia Keys song, the judges will blast said contestant, flatly telling them that no one can really do Alicia Keys, because she's too current and too easy to compare the vocals by simply turning on the radio. I'm shaking my head at you, Kinnik, because I am so sad to see you go home. I hope that you learn from your mistakes in the future.
Ryan sits on the couch with Katharine McPhee to talk about the rumors that have been circulating about the lovely Miss McPhee. First, she shoots down the rumor that she is leaving the show, and second, that she is pregnant with Kevin Covais' love child. Oh, geez, how awesome would that be for Chicken Little to impregnate the Homecoming Queen? Daydream believer, indeed. Anyway, once this is all done, Katharine tells us in her pre-video that she went to the Boston Conservatory with Constantine Maroulis, where I guess they have an advanced class in giving the camera smoldering looks? I don't know why this is even important. So Katharine is going to sing "Think" by Aretha Franklin? No, Kat, say it ain't so! Katharine proves to me and the rest of the world that she is way too much of a white girl to sing anything by the Queen of Soul. I'm sure, she's having fun, but isn't the point to blow the audience away so fully that they can't get the performance out of their minds? And remember in a good way, not the "I wish I had brain bleach" way. Le sigh, le disappointment.
Wow, I do not like Ayla's hair, outfit, or song choice tonight, which is unfortunate because I've really started to like her as a person, and her singing was improving. She chose Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten" (does anyone think this is a big wink to Ace who sang Daniel Bedingfield last week?), which is a really up-tempo song, and Ayla is really showing worse for the wear here. There's a reason she's has only sung ballads so far, isn't there, Lisa Tucker? I think we've found our third in the bottom three right here.
Finally, amidst the mediocrity, rises the beautiful phoenix we like to call Mandisa. Mandy obviously saw herself on tape last week, because her clothes are much more flattering tonight. And Miss Mandisa is going to bust out--and we all know this was coming sooner or later--"I'm Every Woman" by Chaka Khan. And of course, she's awesome, even if she did get a little loud and shouty at the end. Because of Mandisa fabulousness, I will now take the time to divulge my theory on the whole "Why The American Idol Judges Don't Like Paris Anymore". They know that Kinnik is going home, so they're not worried about her, but they don't want another Jennifer Hudson/Latoya London/Fantasia Barrino diva showdown for Season Five in the form of Mandisa/Lisa/Paris, because they want a boy to win. Putting these three powerhouses (and I'm using that term loosely because the judges are wetting themselves over Lisa) together may very well douse the chances of a Chris/Ace win. Conspiracy? What do y'all think?
Well, I said finally for Mandisa, but the last act of the night is Pickler. I half-expected for her to say that the thing that we don't know about her is that her mama's run off, and her daddy's in jail, and she has to live with her grandparents. But, thankfully, she proved me wrong by divulging the life-altering secret that--gasp!--she has a dog named Comet and that she really misses him. Jesus, Lord, her dog won't fetch and is apparently as dim-witted as The Pickle herself. My eyes almost roll out of my head, I am so...I don't know what I am. But oddly, because she did choose something so mundane to talk about, I find myself conflicted because Kellie seems like she might be a nice girl when she's not manipulating the audience into thinking that she's never been onstage before, when in fact she's been in pageants and on a North Carolina-wide broadcasted talent show, or letting American Idol manipulate us by force feeding that sob story they can't seem to get enough of. So Kellie is singing "I'm The Only One" by Melissa Etheridge. I don't know, she seems to really get into the song, like she might mean what she's singing, but at the same time, I can't really get behind the performance because she's just not that good. Especially when she's up against Mandisa and Katharine. Even the judges recognize this, but completely gloss over the fact that it was a sub-par performance, because we're being told again that Kellie is so darn likeable. Hey--have y'all noticed that Kellie gets this look on her face whenever she faces the judges like she's completely surprised to see them there, as if she's never seem them before? Priceless. I think the bleach in her hair has seriously affected her brain.
Ok, so that's it for tonight. As always, y'all feel free to reply back and comment with what y'all think of the show, and my opinions. Cause they are, after all, just that--opinions.
Toodles!
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