Friday, May 09, 2008

If Josie Ruled The World

Something fun I found--originally titled "If Nerds Ruled The World". I changed it to suit my needs. I'll mark the ones I didn't have to change with an asterisk. I think you'll be as surprised as I at what didn't change!

+ The pen literally becomes mightier than the sword. Fencers everywhere are armed with Bics.* (Josie's note: Bics? Give me a break. It's Mont Blanc or nothing, baby.)

+ Broadway is given it's own cable channel.

+ The following dates are deemed federal holidays: the premieres of Heroes, Ugly Betty, and American Idol, as well as Project Runway and Top Chef. All offices are closed due to viewing party preparations. March 15 is also a federal holiday--the anniversary of the premiere of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

+ Stats for an ideal woman change from 36-24-36 to 780 verbal/780 math.*

+ The images of Indiana Jones, Batman, and Elle Woods become standard issue postage stamps.

+ Golf clubs, footballs, bats and other sports accoutrements are replaced with a universal Wii-mote. Also, deleting opponents becomes completely legal.*

+ Scrabulous would NEVER be blocked by work security filters.*

+ The music of Shania Twain and Lee Ann Rimes are banned.

+ Comic books would be acceptable as a standard form of currency. "Archie" comics, however, soon become like the penny and are used only to buy gumballs and accessorize loafers.*

+ No one ever laughs if you come to work hung over from last night’s Book Group.*

+ Employers give workers an hour a day (plus lunch!) to blog or frolic on the internet.

+ Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman are grafted together to create one incredibly awesome mediocre human being.* (Josie's note: You mean they aren't the same person already?)

+ “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader” becomes “Are You Smarter Than a Tenth Grader Taking AP Classes?”*

+ Cars come with a “Damage on/off” toggle. Driving becomes a lot more fun.*

+ The following are considered felonies punishable by imprisonment to be rehabilitated: wearing sweatpants with writing on the derrière; wearing sweatpants outside of the home; skirts 5 inches or more above the knee in women over 35; socks with sandals; pantyhose with open-toed shoes; pantyhose darker than your shoes; sagging pants.

+ Advertising and coverage for the Scripps National Spelling Bee is as prolific as the Super Bowl.

+ "Bad Hair Day" and "Hated Everything In My Closet" become plausible excuses to use sick days.

+ "Make It So" replaces "Git 'Er Done," a phrase never uttered again except in alcohol-fueled lexiconic accidents. Even then, please-- just don't do it.*

1 comment:

The DAVIS Kids said...

Your posts are so amusing.