AI: Top Twelve 03/13/07

Well, we're back in the big theater. Tonight they're singing the hits of Diana Ross, so this promises to be interesting. I am super excited, because Diana Ross is a wonderful performer and incredible nut job. I can't want to see her tear the kids to bits! From the moment she walks into the room, it's obvious that she's taking her job SERIOUSLY. Oh, this is going to be goooood.

First up is Brandon Rogers, who is singing “Can't Hurry Love”, and Miss Ross (should I call her “Miss Ross”? She has a daughter, Tracy, who was on that show “Girlfriends”, so maybe I should address her as Ms. Ross, because you know, I don't want to have my hair snatched out by the Original Diva) is looking at him like “How DARE you sing my song. I am TOO fabulous for YOU to sing MY song!” The performance is shaky from the start, and I'm immediately fearing for him. Just when I thought the song was getting better, he SQUEAKED! No lie, y'all! HE SQUEAKED! And HE FORGOT HIS WORDS! Brandon-- you are going home, dude! Bottom Three.

While he and Ryan are talking, I wanted to tell you about something that my friend and fellow American Idol obsessor told me was posted over at aol.com. They posted a poll about the most popular contestants, and while Melinda won, Sanjaya was fourth. Fourth, people! He's got quite a fan base, and we've got to mobilize to get him booted, otherwise more talented singers are going to get eliminated instead. Remember to vote!

Ryan, so now we can post questions on American Idol.com to the contestants? “Dear Sanjaya, why do you suck? No love, Josie in Georgetown.” Oh, ha ha, that would be so beautiful.

Melinda Doolittle says that the hardest part of being on American Idol is the high heels and dresses. No, dear, that's the BEST part—it;s not like the money is coming out of your pocket. So go buy the pretties and say, “Thank you, American Idol...” Melinda is singing “Home” and I don't know this song. Aww, Diana is like Melinda's crazy aunt or something. Melinda, looks so beautiful tonight. She knows (or her stylist, rather) exactly how to dress her body. I would completely rock that dress. AT WORK, y'all. I just can't say enough good things about Melinda. I mean, I know that I waver between opinions over whether she's fake or real, but you cannot deny that she is a good singer and a good performer. She impresses me. WOW—she made Paula cry! Admittedly, that's not hard, but you usually have to get booted and THEN be a guy to make her cry.

SIDENOTE: I loved the banter between Ryan and Simon tonight. They're like my favorite television couple.

Next up is Diana Ross' hair twin, Chris Sligh, singing freaking “Endless Love”to a different arrangement. Oh, I bet she doesn't like that. “How DARE he change MY song and make it modern! I shall steal his glasses! BWAHAHAHA!” Personally, I like the arrangement, even if it was a little Coldplay-esque, and I was worried about what Sligh would sing this week, but I have to admit that I'm a little bored, except for the great note at the end. He looks crushed, though, when the judges hand out their feedback. I do agree with Simon, that he should keep the glasses—they're him.

Gina Glockson screws up the words at the beginning my favorite Diana Ross song, “Love Child”. This song is really difficult to sing, and I'm afraid that Gina just doesn't do it justice. And Paula, a song about being a poverty-stricken illegitimate child is NOT a feel-good song that makes you want to “get up”. It makes you think, not dance. Honestly, I'm just really disappointed so far. Not just with Gina, but with everyone.

Tonight, Sanjaya Malakar has decided to mimic both Diana Ross and Chris Sligh with his choice of hairstyle. Diana Ross wants to adopt him and keep him for her own. She loves his “inner spirit”. I feared that he might do well tonight, and as soon as I hear the opening notes of “Ain't No Mountain”, I lost all my fear. It's flat and boring. The background singers are great, though. Bottom Three.

Haley Scarnato says the craziest place she ever sang was here, on the American Idol stage. She is really pretty as she sings “Missing You”. Her voice is also really good, but the dress is abysmal, like the seamstress didn't know what to do with the rest of the fabric, so she bunched it up and sewed a giant satin ribbon to disguise it.. Definitely the heir to Katharine McPhee's throne in the Kingdom of Fashion Disasters. Apparently, she also forgot her words, but I missed it, due to Cathryn's complete refusal to close her eyes and mouth, and GO TO SLEEP FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY, I AM TRYING TO WATCH AMERICAN IDOL, GAH! Randy and Paula were really harsh on her, but Simon was incredibly flattering. Interesting afternote: When I was trying to vote, I kept receiving an error message. I hope that this doesn't spell trouble for Haley. For once, I think she deserves to stay until next week.

Phil Stacey's still a contestant? I totally forgot, hee! I actually don't care for him, but I'll vote just to get Sanjaya off the stage and out of my ears. Diana can't take her eyes off his shiny bald head. I also love how Diana makes each of their performances about her. It's so awesome that she's that full of herself. I think I want her to be MY crazy aunt, so I can roll my eyes at her and fear for my life at the same time. Forgettable Phil is singing a passable rendition of “I'm Gonna Make You Love Me”. As usual, it starts off really weak and strange, but it gets better through the middle, and he finishes strong. Just as Diana finds it easier to look at the audience while she's singing, I find it easier to listen to Phil without looking at him.

Lakisha Jones is wearing satin again, even after I had informed her last week that it wasn't flattering on her frame. Apparently, she's vying for the position of Grand Duchess in Haley's Fashion Disaster Kingdom. She's decided to sing “God Bless The Child”, which is perfect for her voice. She does not disappoint. I will say this for Lakisha's dress—the color is beautiful on her, and so is the cut, which actually draws the eye away fro her, ah, ample assets. I'd love to see her shoes! I think this performance is going to go down as one of the Top Idol performances of all time.

You can tell that Diana Ross wants to snatch Blake Lewis up for remixing “Keep Me Hanging On”. When he takes the stage, it's like stepping into a club, with this song pulsing in the background. I think he should have sped up arrangement, as this one is a little laggy, and he looks scared to death. Maybe it would be better if we actually were in a club, with the alcohol flowing, and then we could be all, “DUDE! That is my SONG! I have to DANCE!” But here on the stage? Mmm...not so much.

Stephanie Edwards is singing “Love Hangover”, my second favorite Diana Ross song. She's doing a really good job with this song, but I keep waiting for the fun part of the song to start. Her dress is great, too. Stephanie has quite a sense of style about her. Here's my concern, though--it's another good performance, but I would put her behind LaKisha and then Melinda, and that may be a problem down the road. .

You could see and hear the fear in Chris Richardson when he was working with Diana Ross. And rightly so—she looked full of contempt for him. He's also singing another song I've never heard of, “The Boss”. He looks nice, in his Timberlake-light wardrobe, but this is not his best performance. It's not just pitchy, it's incredibly off-pitch. Sure it was high-energy, but the tune means a lot, too. Definitely not my favorite of his. Bottom Three.

Jordin Sparks is so adorable and –dare I say it, sparkly as she sings “If We Hold On Together” and the producers were right to put her at the end of the lineup. Her voice is so rich and full, but also light and breathy. She looks gorgeous to boot.

Bottom Three: Brandon Rogers, Sanjaya Malakar, Chris Richardson

Results tomorrow night!

Toodles,
Josie